


should've never let you go

by genuinelylarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Soulmates, i hope i did justice to this song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:54:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24180025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genuinelylarry/pseuds/genuinelylarry
Summary: Every human comes with a timer on their wrist. it tells when you will meet your soulmate and changes everytime you do. it just so happens that Louis keeps missing it. will he find his soulmate?AU soulmates
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 53
Collections: Walls Fic Fest





	should've never let you go

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is fic is based on the song Always you (my favourite song, i cant believe after 2 (?) years of singing the snippet we can finally hear the whole song)  
> it was a little difficult to write but hope i did justice to the song 
> 
> hope you enjoy :)  
> if any mistakes, theyre all mine.

**Age: 12**

‘Mom, how far is Amsterdam?’ Louis asks his mother who is packing his luggage. 

His room is strewn with stuff he is needs for their trip to Amsterdam. He had been waiting for this trip since the start of the year and even crossed out the days until the trip on the calendar hanging in his room. 

‘It’s very far, love,’ she says giving him a smile, folding one of his shirts into the bag. 

He reaches for it. ‘I don’t want to take this shirt,’ 

‘Why?’ She asks, stopping his hand before from ruining the folding. 

‘It makes me look funny,’ he pouts, folding his hands in front of his chest. That’s right, he’s a big boy, he can make his own decisions about clothes. And that shirt isn’t nice. She laughs. Louis loves watching his mother laugh. She always looks so beautiful, her eyes crinkling. 

‘Okay, we won’t take it,’ she winks at him. 

He plops down on his bed, playing with his Lego toys, when his mother calls him. He turns around to look and is met with her wide eyes staring at his hand. He looks down at his hand where the soulmate timer ticks. It shows 24:00:00. He doesn’t understand what it means. He is too small to know it. 

‘What’s does it mean, mom?’ 

She takes a deep breath and comes over to sit next to him. ‘Louis, do you know what this is?’ 

‘Yeah,’ he says softly. ‘It’s the timer that tells me when I’m going to see my soulmate,’ 

His mother nods at him. ‘That’s right, baby.’ She takes a deep breath. ‘Right now, your timer says twenty-four hours, that means one full day – tomorrow you’ll see your soulmate.’ 

Louis’ mouth turns in a ‘O' as he breaths out a soft ‘Oh’. ‘But we’ll be in Amsterdam by then?’ 

His mother nods again. 

‘What if I miss them?’ he asks. 

‘I hope that doesn’t happen,’ she says. ‘But if it does, you’re timer starts again and you’ll know when you’re going to see them next.’ 

* 

Amsterdam has got to be the most beautiful place in the world, thinks Louis. The pictures didn’t do it justice. 

There’s flowers everywhere, the building are so colourful, the bridges over the canals with people cycling, streets with cafés and few tourists taking pictures. He took one, too, with the river, trees and flowers behind him. 

After a little more sightseeing and more pictures, and a few souvenirs, they end up at a pizza place to fill their empty tummies. It’s nice little place and very different from what’s back in Doncaster. 

He's looking around when he notices a boy with the curliest hair ever. He’s turned away so . He doesn’t see what happens next because the pizza arrives and he dives right into it. 

Later at night when Louis’ mom is getting him into bed in their hotel room that it happens: 

‘Louis,’ she exclaims. ‘When did your timer reset?’ 

He looks down at his hand where the timer is. The last time he had looked was when they had got off the plane at the Amsterdam airport, it had read 17 hours. Over the course of the day which had included checking in to their hotel, sight-seeing and other things Louis had forgotten about it and it seems his mother had, too. 

‘I don’t know, mom,’ Louis shrugs, ‘I didn’t realise.’ 

‘Oh, baby,’ she coos at him. ‘It’ll be alright. You’ll see them again,’ 

She caresses his hand where the timer is. ‘What does it show right now?’ Louis asks, his heart thumping against his rib cage. 

He is a little bit afraid. He doesn't know if there are people who miss their soulmate and never see them again. A number of possibilities run through his head. 

‘It says 6 years.’ Her face is sad, crinkles line around her eyes. 

Louis doesn’t understand why she looks sad. This is supposed to be good news. He will one day meet his soulmate. 

‘I’ll be older then. I’ll be...,’ he adds up the years with his age on his fingers, muttering to himself. ‘...eighteen years old! Mom, this is amazing,’ 

His smiling so widely, he can’t wait to turn eighteen. His friends say that’s the legal adult age, he can’t believe he’ll be so big when he next sees his soulmate. 

‘I can’t wait to turn eighteen,’ 

* 

**Age: 18**

‘Niall, just tell me where we’re going,’ Louis huffs. 

His eyes have been blindfolded and he grapples around in the temporary darkness as Niall guides him through unknown territories. ‘It’s a surprise, Louis,’ 

Louis rolls his eyes, well, mentally. ‘Shit,’ he gasps as he almost trips over something. ‘Niall, I could’ve died,’ 

That gets a loud cackle out of him and Louis smiles slightly. ‘It was just a shoe, Louis. Stop being so dramatic.’ Yeah, no can do. Louis was dramatic, is dramatic and always will be. He is a drama student after all. 

‘Oh, by the way, I know its a surprise for my birthday. I’m not a fool,’ 

Niall chuckles, ‘Yeah, still had to do it,” 

“Will anyone even come?” 

Louis never really had grand birthday parties what with it being a day before Christmas. People always opted to spend the day with their families, all cozy-ed up and warm in their houses. And now even though he was in college, he didn’t get to celebrate it because he and everyone who celebrated Christmas went back to their homes just as Louis had come back home. 

Niall leads him on. He places his hand to steady himself and the frame on the wall rattles by his slight touch. Louis knows that frame. It’s the one that hangs on the wall next to the back door of his home. He can hear the little ones’ excited whispering and he gets excited too. Maybe finally he will have a proper birthday. It’s a lot to wish for, to hope for but it's almost Christmas and his birthday; he deserves it. 

As soon as he opens his eyes, there’s a loud cheer with people starting to sing ‘Happy Birthday’. He scans the crowd; there’s a lot of people, more than he expected. Many he doesn’t recognize. A few of his mom’s friends. 

Then everything becomes very fast-paced and blurry. He cuts the cake, opens the presents like a small child, has his first legal drink – just a tiny bit because his mother watches him from the corner. All in all its very fun, laughter filled birthday. And probably one of his best birthdays ever. 

When he goes to bed that night with the sugar and alcohol still giving him a rush, the one thing in front of his eyes are the bright green eyes of a very beautiful boy. He doesn’t remember anything else about him; just the pretty eyes and a beautiful laugh. He raises his wrist to get a look at it and it has been reset, it reads- 2 years. Louis sighs. Last time he had checked it said 2 days which was two days ago. 

**Age:** **22**

His twenty- second birthday creeps up on him the way his deadlines do. 

The clock on his hotel room wall turns 00:00 and he whispers to himself, “Happy birthday to me,” 

Below, Amsterdam is alive with Christmas decorations, people doing last minute shopping even at this late hour. Music flowing and reaching Louis from somewhere far. Smell of baked goods wafts in. It looked beautiful and made him miss his home and celebrating the holiday with his family with the little siblings running around the house. The giggles, the smell if food wafting from the kitchen, the mess of the wrapping. 

His phone starts buzzing with notifications but he ignores them. Instead, he takes out a cigarette, lights it. 

He takes a puff and scrolls through his notifications. There’s a text from everyone. Everyone but him. But Louis knew that already. There was still hope deep down and now that its shattered somewhere below his heart, it pierces through and Louis is bleeding on his hotel balcony and Amsterdam goes red. 

He should’ve never come back here – 

His phone rings. A call from Niall. He blows out smoke and picks up the call. 

“Happy birthday, buddy!” It’s bright and airy but Louis can hear the slight tense in his voice. 

“thank you, Ni,” he says punctuating with a sigh he did not mean to release. “How are you?” he adds quickly, hoping Niall doesn’t catch on it. 

“I’m good. I miss you a lot, I wish you were here,” 

‘Here’, Louis knows is London. Somewhere he’s not ready to go back to. But, being here in Amsterdam is not good either. He can almost hear both of their laughter as they’d roamed those streets almost a year ago. A time when things were good. He doesn’t know what went wrong. 

“Yeah.” There’s a long, awkward pause and neither of them fill it. 

Niall speaks up sometime later and Louis doesn’t really listen to what he’s saying. It turns into a white noise as Louis thinks about then. 

_The bright night lights shone in Harry’s green eyes making them glitter like stars. It made Louis’ heart soar that they could be together right here, right now. “After_ _uni_ _, we should both come here again,” Harry says. Get a job maybe and settle down here!”_

_They had slowly become friends after doing a project together at_ _university_ _. It had turned out that the green-eyed boy Louis remembered from his 18_ _th_ _birthday party was none other than Harry and apparently was in the same year as Louis. In their fourth semester, they had both taken the same class and ended up doing the project together, in turn getting close to each other._

_Close enough for Harry to open up his heart and tell his greatest secret._

**Age: 23**

Tokyo was beautiful when it was blooming with cherry blossoms and their significance of how beautiful things don’t last very long. The air was scented with the smell of the flowers; a little too heady and bittersweet. 

He rests his head back on the car head-rest and takes a deep breath. The traffic is moving slowly and beside him Liam -driving the car- is getting impatient. Louis was too. He just wants to go to the hotel and get a nice, relaxing hot shower. 

The flight was too long for his liking but it was a compromise he had to make. A comprise to finally leave behind Europe for a while. Liam being the good friend he is, tagged along. No questions asked. Louis was grateful was his roommate and best friend. 

The reason he wanted to get away was London. It had become too much; a memory around every corner, around every turn. He couldn’t even go to a bar without thinking about Harry. 

_The bar was full and bustling with people and choking with the laughter and gleeful screams. The air was thick with_ _a mix of sweat and perfume. A little too much of it._

_But Louis wasn’t aware of all that. He was too drunk and high on happiness to notice all that. And quite frankly, he didn’t know what he was saying or doing._

_When_ Little Things _by Zayn Malik comes on_ _karaoke, he pulls Harry along a little roughly to the small stage._ _You wouldn’t catch a sober Louis singing the overly cheesy love song_ _, but a drunk Louis was different. Sober Louis wasn’t aware. He picks up the mic and hands another to Harry who doesn’t seem to be liking this at all. But at the face of a pout-y Louis, he agrees. From the first verse itself, Louis is_ _loudly singing, trying to pour some emotions into it but its not possible._

_Then Harry starts singing and Louis' whole world stops. Cause when Harry sings, its with so much emotion that Louis doesn’t know whether to cry or_ _sing along softly, gently. He doesn’t do anything, instead._

_Later, when_ _they’re_ _walking home because both are intoxicated to the level_ _which is not allowed for driving. They_ _don’t_ _take a_ _cab_ _because_ _‘_ _its nice to walk in the cold air_ _and gives one time to think'_ _as Harry puts_ _it. That sounds good_ _like a good idea_ _;_ a walk in the cold air. 

_Turns out, that’s not a good idea and not because it's cold. But because drunk Louis turns talkative when he's drunk_ _and spills the truth about how he’s in love with Harry and that they’re actually soulmates and they should be together forever._

“Louis, we’re here,” 

Louis opens his eyes to find the car has stopped and been parked in a nice little parking lot in front of a hotel. _La mer_ , the hotel they’re staying in. Here, the air is clear of the thick floral scent of the cherry blossoms and the few trees that are there are more for decorative purposes. It definitely makes the hotel look fancy. 

They quickly check-in to their separate rooms with a deal to meet for dinner in an hour. That gives Louis enough time to think out his thoughts, shower and change into something much comfortable. 

For some reason, Louis still remembers what happened later that night and the weeks following that night and the lonely months after it. It was all very still and quite like a long, long winter night that’s chilly like a horror movie and very still like an abandoned construction site. A night that still continued and Louis wasn’t sure if morning would break and that sunshine would finally peak through. Maybe it’d end in the night itself like those horror movies where the protagonist dies in the end in the dead cold night. 

He’s tried to pursue himself to think reasonably, to forgive himself for his past self, for his out-of-control drunk self. But, it’s been hard. That’ll happen to you if you lose a soulmate and your hearts fallen out and on to the ground bleeding forever and ever. And there’s a hole where your heart is. A hole that hasn’t been filled yet. Louis doesn’t know how to. 

Maybe his notebook full of songs he’ll never sing may fill the space. But he knows it won’t be solid; it’ll be more like a jelly, threatening to spill and break any moment. He glances at his wrist. It doesn’t show anything. Once you fall in love with your soulmate, the mark stops telling you when you’ll next see them. And Harry, dear, lovely Harry never had one and Louis being the idiot he is ruined that for him. Broke Harry’s soft, fragile heart. Broke Harry. 

_Harry look, he says pointing to his wrist. The number their reaches zero as soon as he looks up at Harry._

_“Okay,” Harry says, a little wary._

_“Do you understand what this means, Harry?” Louis asks and when he doesn’t get a reply, he moves in more closer and whispers. “We’re soulmates.”_

_He imagined this happening lots of times but he never imagines his soulmate to push him away. Hard enough that Louis falls to the ground. Harry_ _stares, the glint in his eye gone, replaced by dark. “No, Louis,” Harry_ _says, words void of emotion. “You’re not mu soulmate, cause I don’t have one and_ _i_ _never will. I_ _didn’t_ _expect you of all people to play such a fucking sick joke on me. Leave me alone-” he says jabbing a finger at Louis, “-and never talk or see me ever again.”_

_With that he turns around and storms off_ _into the darkness and away from Louis forever._

The drinks in Tokyo aren’t half as strong to put Louis’ brain to sleep or turn it to mush. So he keeps gulping them down and ignores the pity in Liam's eyes. In a bar full of people, next to his best friend and Louis still feels alone. 

**Age: 24**

LA was all hype and not even worth a dollar. He leaves after a month and goes back to London. Sure, he had to trade sunny, blue skies to dull, grey ones filled with clouds all year long but the comfort of home was worth it. 

When he walks through, the smell hits him. A smell from a past life, a time when he remembers things better. The couch still holds both their shapes. He remembers Harry running to wrap himself every time Louis came home from work. Because, Louis always came home later than Harry. And lovely, Harry, bless him, would always prepare a nice, warm dinner they could have together. Dinner time was soft gazes and quietly sharing their days' stories. A softer time. 

He changes as quickly as possible, showers, orders take out and crashes on the couch. Netflix plays in the background as he eats. 

Later, at night as he tries to sleep, the jet lag makes him toss and turn until, frustrated he goes to the balcony with the cigarettes pack and a lighter. The moon is full and shining upon the city, casting a silver light making everything a little magical. He stands there long enough that his legs hurt and he goes back to his bedroom to lie down. 

Around two am comes a soft knock at his door. He dismisses it, thinking he’s hearing things. But, it comes again, this time in rapid succession and louder. He groans and gets out of bed, feeling groggy and realises he was finally getting sleepy. 

He opens the door to find: Harry. His hair disheveled, clothes that definitely were for sleep and face that of...Louis doesn’t know. Because after years (he’s lost track at this point, is it two? Is it three?) he is finally seeing Harry in the flesh and when he speaks, his voice is deeper, more mature than Louis remembers and he isn’t sure what to do or what any of this means. 

“You’re really back,” 

Louis is dumbfounded, all words have left his brain and he stands there fish-mouthing. When Harry says, “Can I come in?”, that’s when he moves aside to let him in and nods his head vigorously, still at a loss for words. 

He watches as Harry scrutinises the place. He feels conscious of the socks by the shoe rack, the dishes he hasn’t picked up from the coffee table. The luggage open in the middle of the living room and clothes strewn around. You couldn’t blame him, he just got home. Harry shakes his head and turns around to face him with those green eyes that seem to be shining with tears; it makes Louis choke up a little. 

“I’m sorry, Harry for everything that happened. I should have never pushed you. But it was all I knew and I’m not sure why you’re here and-" 

“You were right,” Harry cuts into Louis rambling making Louis stop mid-sentence and look up at Harry, whose eyes are trained on the floor, his feet rubbing the floor. 

“Wait, what?” 

“I- I’m sorry I didn’t believe you...” Harry puts up his wrist and there on his wrist is a number showing zero seconds and then disappears. They both stare at each other. Never in a million years had he imagined something like this to happen. All those years ago when Harry had turned away and never looked back, Louis convinced himself that he had interpreted the whole situation wrong and for all he knew, his real soulmate must have died. Which he reasoned for his own timer to disappear. He sits down at the table grabbing it for support.

Then after a long pause, “Please say something, Louis,” 

In all honesty, Louis isn't sure what to say or to feel about all of this, what to think of all this. When Harry had left him alone, he had slowly accepted the truth and tried living with that and was going to continue on that way. The sudden change is confusing. 

“Honestly,” Louis finally says looking up at Harry, “I don’t know what to say,” 

At that, Harry drops to his knees and shuffles forward to be able to look Louis in the eyes. “Louis, I have been waiting for you to come back for more than a year. Watching this timer tick off second by second was agonizing,” he squeezes his eyes as if reliving the memory. When he opens them, they shine with tears threatening to spill, “I just want you to give me a chance. I know I fucked up but please understand my side too,” 

“I do understand you, Harry...” Louis’ voice is barely a whisper. He can hardly hear himself. “...and what you must have felt. Why do you think I went away and left you? I didn’t want to push you. I wish you gave me a chance too,” his voice gathers courage and he spills his heart. 

A tear makes its way down Harry’s cheek. “I know,” it turns into a sob. “I'm sorry and I was...I want this to be both of our chances. Please? Maybe?” Harry sounds so broken and desperate; it breaks Louis’ heart. 

“I... I need some time to think about this,” Louis finally decides. 

“Yes, sure. Take as much time as you want,” harry stands up, wiping his cheeks; Louis also stands. 

Louis wakes up to the sounds of birds chirping and sun shining brightly in his room. He thinks maybe it’s a sign. He calls Harry, his number still saved in Louis’ phone. Harry picks up within seconds, like he was waiting for Louis to call. They decide to meet at a coffee shop that’s closer to both of them in an hour. 

He quickly showers, dresses up and shoves some burned eggs in the name of breakfast; he didn’t have an appetite anyway. He still has 20 minutes to spare so he decides to walk to the coffee shop giving him time to gather his thoughts and with the sun shining, it’s perfect. Almost. 

Last night, he laid awake until he fell asleep without realising, lost in his thoughts that carried into his dreams. Seeing Harry break down like that made his heart sting and he repeated Harry's words to give both of them another chance. There could be so much that could go wrong that Louis hadn’t even begun to think about all that. But, maybe... 

He finds Harry, standing there, hands in his jacket. Louis hadn’t realised that Harry’s long mane of curls was gone now, in its place a nice cropped undercut kind of look. It looked good, accentuated his sharp features and Louis noticed people taking a second to look at him before the went on; Louis didn’t blame them, he would do the same. Harry was so gorgeous, so beautiful and he didn’t even know it. 

Then Harry finally turns and spots Louis, his smiles widely before containing himself and reducing it to a grimace. Louis looks down at his shoes, feeling the sides of his mouth curling; he bites his lip. They find a table and order some actual breakfast -with coffee for Harry and tea for Louis- that makes Louis stomach growl. They both giggle at that. 

They decide to chat before actually reaching to the topic and it gives Louis some time to prepare himself and ease into it. He finds out Harry's been singing at bars and small gigs and auditioning for acting roles and it makes his heart soar. Harry was always a passionate and a creative person. Even back then, he would be singing around the house or acting out bits from dramas or movies. He feels proud of him for being strong enough to do all that and tells him which earns him a big dimpled smile. And if it sends up butterflies in his stomach, no one has to know. 

Louis recounts his tale of going from city to city and doing different things and travelling. Harry listens intently as he always did. Louis realises they’re still good at talking to each other, no awkward pauses or misunderstandings; their conversation just flows. 

Finally, their food arrives and they dig in, a comfortable silence sets around them. Louis takes in a moment to realise this is the last time they’re going to be like this. He takes a sip and looks up at Harry expectantly, who looks up and understands it’s time. 

“Harry, I thought all night from about the time I first saw you to the time you turned away, cutting all ties,” Louis takes a deep breath. This is it. “I’ve realised and understood, we’ve both messed up and hurt each other but talking to you right now made me really know that even if we’re far apart we’ll always be in connected. 

“I have decided to give us a chance.” and at that Harry’s eyes start pouring tears but Louis continues, “I don’t know the future but I am willing to take this chance and see where it takes us, but know this, I always knew deep in my heart that it was you. Always you.” 

**Author's Note:**

> youve made it (insert wink face emoji)! thank you so much for reading! kudos and comments are always appreciated <3


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